


Needing to Feel Something

by Jagged1



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Gen, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:08:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jagged1/pseuds/Jagged1
Summary: He just needs to feel. If he can do that, then he doesn’t need the gun.221b fic, John is trying to cope after Afghanistan. It's only relatively successful. No major/lasting harm is done.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Needing to Feel Something

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone feels like this needs more tagging to warn others, please let me know. I'm not the greatest at gauging what should/shouldn't be.

John runs his fingers through his hair, back and forth, tugging at the short strands. The pull causes just enough pain that he can’t think much about the gun in the drawer. The fully loaded gun he managed to get his hands on after…

He pulls again, harder. He could always get a knife and cut, but he doesn’t want to leave any evidence. He can’t be sure he’ll be able to control himself enough to prevent scarring. It’s not about people knowing; it’s not like he wants attention. He just needs to _feel_. If he can do that, then he doesn’t need the gun.

The tugging isn’t enough anymore. He digs his nails, blunt as they are, into his forearm, presses deep into the muscles there and holds it. When he finally pulls his hand away there are marks and the stinging pain of pressure turns into an ache that doesn’t leave. These kinds of marks he doesn’t mind. They’ll be gone soon enough. He keeps this up on both arms until they are covered in little half-moon shapes. It stops hurting after awhile but the marks are still there. It’s enough. It means he can feel. It means he doesn’t need it yet.

He doesn’t want to know what happens when he finally needs to feel the gun barrel.


End file.
